So I lied…my last post wasn’t my last…and I’m guessing this one won’t be either…

I am often amazed at the strangeness of life, especially the supposed *coincidences* that seem to cross my path over and over again.  I am becoming more convinced that there are no coincidences, but instead we are all connected in some cosmic, spiritual way, that causes the meaningful events of our lives.

I was feeling disgruntled.  I can not tell you how often I cringe when I see the actions of what takes place in the supposed “health” industry or what comes from those who think they promote health, but don’t.  I was tired of being associated with these acts because of my title.  The looks I would get when I said I work in fitness, or the people that feel the need to talk to me about their efforts of losing weight when I just want to tell them to stop hating themselves, eat a hamburger, guilt-free, and just go get some exercise.

For too long have I experienced people and companies following me on Twitter trying to sell weight loss products, too many images of women in bikinis lifting weights (really?  You lift in a two piece? …I look like hell ran over me when I go to the gym…my hair is a mess, I wear no makeup, and I’m lucky if my pants match my t-shirt, or better yet, don’t have my breakfast somewhere stained on them).   And I am so, so sick and tired of people obsessing about their weight and talking about it as if it is their life purpose to just get skinny.

And I’m tired of the message that people should hate themselves because they aren’t good enough.  Never pretty enough, never thin enough, never perfect enough.  And quite frankly, this goes way beyond fitness and health.  This is our society as a whole.  People telling the world how to parent the “right way”, how to behave,  how to dress, act, work, or anything else.  There’s too much judging, both external and self, that is taking place in our world and my attitude is screw that sh*t…

I’m not perfect, and I’m OK with that.  I have my good traits, which I like to be proud of, and my not-so-good traits, that I try to improve upon in hopes that I can be a better person tomorrow than I am today.  I eat healthy sometimes, and sometimes I don’t.  I exercise sometimes, and sometimes I just don’t feel like it.  But overall, I try to do my best.  When I exercise I feel great, when I don’t I feel like crap…so I try to keep up with exercise.  I don’t think about my abs or if I’ll look good enough in a dress, I just think that it makes me feel good.   And it gives me an excuse to move my body to music, something I really enjoy.  And I don’t want to get cancer and die earlier than I should in life.  For me, this is probably my biggest motivator.

And as for nutrition, well, I agree with some people and not with others.  Starving yourself? Out of the question.  You need to eat and you need to feel satiety.  For me, nothing makes me feel better than a good top sirloin steak.  Yum!  (Runner up would be hot wings).  Living on salad is no way to live.  And I can argue any day why steak is actually good for you (it’s got the best source of protein and minerals).  And cookies, too…

I have no desire to cover myself in mud and prove I can withstand electric shock, and I run races simply for the fun of it.

So you can clearly see why I would question my place in the health and fitness world, when I so obviously take issue with much of it’s current message.  I just don’t fit in the “fitness” world.

But then something occurred to me.

As soon as I decided I needed to move on…find something else to do, I start getting emails from people I haven’t heard from in a while.  People who remind me that my work in health mattered to them.  I start getting endorsements for my nutrition services and my teaching.  People reach out to me to remind me that what makes me different, is what actually made me worthwhile.

And I start thinking, maybe because I’m different, I’m actually needed.  Maybe it is my purpose to continue to advocate for real health and not the fake kind we are all bombarded with.  Maybe I need to continue spreading the message that all people deserve the chance to get healthier, whatever that means for them, not just the athletes.

The best thing, for me, about working in health is having the opportunity to make someone else feel good about themselves and inspire them.

So I’m thinking I need to keep writing, keep talking, and keep spreading my message.

Stay tuned…

“To live is the rarest thing in the world.
Most people exist, that is all.” -Oscar Wilde

I would like to take a moment to express my gratitude to all of those who have followed my health and fitness blog over the past few years. I started out writing basic posts about nutrition, exercise tips, and recipes, but over time, developed into so much more, eventually using health topics as a means to inspire people to live a better life.

As I enter the next stage of my own life, I am certain that my past work has helped pave the way for the journey I am about to embark on. A journey of self-discovery, not only for myself, but as a means of inspiration to others to live a more meaningful life.

The daughter of an artist and a musician, seeing first hand the struggles of life when you’re the creative type,  I grew up to believe that I needed to suppress the artist within in order to live a better life. I made many decisions along the way based on the type of life I thought I should have, the type of person I thought I should be, rather than making choices based on who I really was and what I loved.

However, as a famous Buddhist quote states,  ”There are three things you can’t hide forever; the sun, the moon, and the truth”.  And I can not thank enough all of the people who have inspired me (there are many) to truly re-connect with who I am.

I was encouraged to allow myself to explore what I love, without the pressure of making any decisions (as I have in the past, always rushing to make decisions that were later a mistake). It was when I learned to let go, …let go of all the ideals I had in my head, all the “should do”, “could do”, thoughts, that the truth came to me. I had an epiphany so strong that I felt myself swell with tears and fill with emotion so powerful I couldn’t describe it.

For the first time in my life, I knew exactly what I wanted. This doesn’t mean I have all the answers, it means I know the first step to take.

…And with that, I have decided to hang up my hat as a health and fitness professional, and let the artist out of her cage…

I am working on a new website called Hot Pink Vinyl (hotpinkvinyl.com), which will be both a blog and website focused on my love of music, art, fashion, and life. I hope to introduce my readers to the greatest music and musical experiences (because most great music isn’t usually popular), as well as the beautiful art that surrounds us, inspiring a life full of passion.

Because without passion, there is no life.

Hot Pink Vinyl will be more than an educational platform, more than a place to read stories,…

…it will be a revolution to defy the idea that we must settle for the ordinary life mapped out for us by rules that make no sense.

You will see a new side of me…the rebel, the anti-conformist, the artist. It will be about living before it’s too late.

Because I’m fairly certain, that in those last few moments of a person’s life, whether on a hospital bed or at home, no one is thinking about regret for things they did…they are regretting what they never dared to do.  The dreams they never fulfilled, the person they were inside they never let come to surface.  Wishing they would have lived when they had the chance.

We sit in disillusionment most days of our lives saying “someday I’ll do that”, while we settle for the mundane or the less-than-fulfilling life.   Well, like someone once said to me, “no matter how many times I look, I’ve never found *someday* written on a calendar”.  He was right.

As always, my purpose is to inspire others.  My hope is that through Hot Pink Vinyl, I not only introduce my readers to new music, entertainment, and art, but to inspire you to truly live your lives, embracing all the wonderful experiences the world has to offer.  To dare and step outside of your comfort zone, send your inhibitions packing, and be who you truly are.  Whether that person be a traveler, an artist, a writer, a musician, or anything else you want to be.

Life is so special and fragile, yet most of us live as if we will live forever.  We won’t.  Live your life before it’s too late.  You’re never too old for anything, and it’s never too late to start living.  Don’t waste your days in anticipation that the future will be better.  The present matters more.  Be brave and take your leap.

I will be working hard over the next couple of months to get this website launched and can’t wait to share with you all the exciting content and experiences that await.

So with that, this will be the last post from this website.  Hope to see you soon at HotPinkVinyl.com.

“You Only Live Once, But If You Do It Right, Once Is Enough.” – Mae West

Females In Training Team for Rays of Hope-(fuzzy picture, I know, sorry)

I remember the day well…It was the first day at my new job working at a place called Females In Training (also known as “F.I.T.”).  I was 26 years old.   I just got my certifications as a personal fitness trainer and group exercise instructor.  I was so excited to actually get a job doing what I loved; everything food, health, and fitness!

I was hired by the manager, but it wasn’t until my first day working that I would meet the owner.   I was kind of shy, and a little intimidated by her, seeing that she was the *boss*.  I’m not even so sure we were officially introduced, but she knew about me.  Specifically she knew that I just came from my *white-collar job* of working as a staff accountant at a CPA firm, downtown.

At the end of the day when we were getting ready to close, it was just her and I in the gym.  I was sweeping the aerobic floors in my staff t-shirt (a change from my business suit, for sure).  But as I swept the floors I couldn’t stop thinking about how happy I was to be there, instead of stuck sitting at a desk with a time sheet where I had to keep track of what I did every moment of the day, including when I took a bathroom break (standard procedure for any job where you have billable time).  I spent nearly two years working that desk job which I hated.

The owner finally speaks to me and says, “so Kim, I hear you used to be an accountant…this must be a big change for you having to sweep floors.  Hope you’re OK with this.”  My response, “Yes, I am.  I’d much rather be here sweeping floors than stuck behind a desk.  I am really excited about my job here.”  She smiled and said, “well, we’re happy to have you.”

I look back on that time and remember that it was the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.  It was the only time I can remember being excited about each new day, feeling as if I knew who I was, where I was going, what I was doing, and why I was doing it.  It all came together.

It was a time I was the most motivated to learn and grow.  I signed up for every workshop and conference I could go to.  I continuously read.  I could never seem to get enough information, I always wanted more.

I worked hard to build a clientele.  I practiced, (and practiced, and practiced…) teaching group fitness so I would be good at it (a hard skill to learn and do well).  I came up with wellness programs and seminars, marketing and teaching them with the utmost enthusiasm.  I put so much time and effort into my job, which I still have proof of with the filing cabinets and boxes in my house full of programs, handout sheets, games, lectures, ideas, client folders, and more.

From my “Stop Dieting!” Seminar

Things soon changed, though, as I welcomed my first child.  Wanting to be the best mom in the world (don’t we all), I decided not to place her in daycare but to stay home with her.  My husband, at the time, was building a business of his own and worked around the clock.  So I took care of our daughter around the clock, which left no time to work outside of the home.

I tried getting out of the house just one night a week to work; Mondays.  But I found that while I had back-to-back clients, they needed me more than once a week.  My head was no longer in the game, it was at home with my daughter and husband.  And as much as I would never regret the choice I made to support him and be there for my little girl, I lost myself in the process.

Over the years I turned into my husband’s cheerleader, personal assistant, and accountant/payroll/human resources person at his new company (though eventually I got out of that job once his company grew and we needed someone full-time).  I did anything he asked of me, and was always supportive.  I was also super mom, doing everything from learning how to make cakes the Wilton Way to joining Mom’s Clubs and sewing blankets.  It’s my nature to want to take care of people and make them happy.

Took me over 7 hours to make this cake for my daughter’s third birthday…I made everyone look at it for 10 minutes before cutting into it

Ever since that first job, though, I have had one dream; to open my own women’s health and fitness center.  I have so many great ideas to make it work.  Bring something to the market that no one has seen before.  I picture women, just like me, coming in through the front door and greeting them saying “Welcome!…here is a place to get healthy, feel good about yourself, and make friends!”

The greatest thing about working at F.I.T, wasn’t teaching someone how to do a leg press or why they need more fruit in their diet;  it was seeing the bonds that would form among the women.  We had many *regulars* and everyone knew each other.  It was a place to share your stories, good and bad.  A place to get a break from all the day-to-day problems and just hang with the girls.  Members looked forward to coming to the gym, not because of the exercise, but because of the positivity of the place.  I have always said, it was like “Cheers”, only instead of serving beer, we were a gym.

And as life continues to change, last June, my marriage of 15 years came to an end.  So here I am, a single mom still in shell shock over my new life (we share the kids 50-50).  I have spent most of the past nine months trying to cope and heal, but finally realize I need to start making decisions about where to go from here.

I haven’t really thought at all about myself in many years, thinking solely of my family, and honestly have come to find out I don’t really know who I am anymore.   I keep wanting to bring that 26 year-old girl back, who had drive, ambition, and enthusiasm, but I often think she’s gone.

But in my perhaps blind optimism to reconnect with her, and try to heal, I wonder if I should re-visit that dream.  I spent most of today driving around looking at property that might be suitable for what I envision, just to get my mind off of things and think about something positive, really.  At the end of the day, I half-joke with myself that it would be easier to just buy the old gym where I worked than to start from scratch.  That’s when I discover…

“Gym closes suddenly, members shocked…”

Females In Training shut their doors in August of 2011.  2011??  Where have I been?

And suddenly I break down crying… After 30 years in business, they closed.  The place that brought me so much, and has inspired me all of these years.  My beginning.  The place I was the happiest.  Is gone.

I then realize that I’m crying not only for the loss of this memory, but because it hits me that many things in my past, which I put so much work and effort into, are gone.  I keep losing pieces of my life, and myself, and I don’t know where to go next…

Then I start wondering why did they close.  Could it be that while some of us are passionate about a great place for women’s fitness, that logistically its a bad business model?  Or was it something else?  And if it can’t survive, the one dream I’ve held onto for so long is gone, too?  What’s left for me?

I may not have all the answers, today, but I do know one thing; women need a place of refuge.  We need a place to feel good about ourselves.  We need a place to get away from all the negativity that bombards us daily.  We need to feel supported and reminded that we have friends who are always there for us.  And I’m not sure what I’m doing yet, but whatever it winds up being, I’m still passionate about helping women find that place.  So maybe that 26 year-old girl isn’t totally gone, but is just waiting to re-discover herself, in a new and improved way.

As always, while writing is certainly cathartic, I publish what I think will benefit others.  I know many women out there go through what I go through. Balancing career and motherhood, family and individual, we all go through it.  And I hope my stories help you find some solace in knowing you’re not alone.

From one of my favorite songs, “Photograph”, by Jamie Cullum on my Yamaha/Clarinova

You know those days (or weeks in my case), where nothing seems to go right?  You get bad news from the doctor, you have an issue at work, an argument with someone, etc…  And it all seems to happen at once.

I’ve had one of those weeks. One disaster after the other until finally at 4 am when my new cat wakes me up, again in the middle of the night (who just may become an outdoor cat if this continues), I am lying in bed thinking of all that’s bothering me.  I start listening to Springsteen’s “Born To Run” as loud as the speakers would go, seriously considering getting in my car and driving to New York just to get a way from it all.  Ah, yes…the beauty and freedom of living alone half of the time…anyone who feels sorry for the single person is clearly suffering from a bad case of jealousy.

I love driving to the city in the early morning, just takes my breath away.  The sun comes up, and there’s a dreamy, misty feel to the air over the buildings and bridges.  My fantasy of escaping has become more and more prevalent these days.

I keep dreaming of the extraordinary life that I crave full of fun and adventure.  I imagine hopping on the back of a motorcycle or in a fast car with some fabulous guy and taking off without any idea where we’ll end up.  A place without all the day-to-day bullshit in my life.  A place that shines so bright you can feel the warmth of the sunlight filling your soul and can feel your heart dance to the tunes cranking from the speakers.

But like a grown-up, I realize that I have responsibilities.  The most prevalent at this point is my doctor’s appointment at 9 am.  I’ve been having some health issues, and I know I need to go.

So I tell myself maybe I can skip town right afterwards.  But then realize I have yet another responsibility the following day that I can’t get out of.  Dammit…. OK, maybe I head out Wednesday night at 6pm.  I can make it to NY by 9, catch a concert at 10 or 11 and stay until Friday.  I’m golden.

But since I can’t escape just yet, I spend my morning doing the same thing I do when I feel angry, frustrated, sad, happy, excited….I listen to music.  My mood determines what I listen to.

If I’m feeling like I want to relax, I put on some Miles Davis or John Coltrane.  If I feel like dancing and just goofing off, maybe some Jay-Z.  If I’m feeling romantic and dreamy, my beloved Jamie Cullum or Ella Fitzgerald.  If I need to be soothed, Cinematic Orchestra or Frank Sinatra. If I’m happily pumped up and excited, something like The Smashing Pumpkins or The Foo Fighters.  If I want to boost my spirits, The Beatles or Ray Charles.  If I’m angry, Rage Against The Machine…

However, this particular morning I was listening to Springsteen and wondered what I looked like driving to my appointment with my car stereo cranked and me singing along.

I get to the doctor and what happens when I walk in, all pumped up?!?  I am unhappily greeted by the stereo speakers playing country music.  Now I hope not to offend, but I love all kinds of music…and I mean ALL (after all, how many people do you know that listen to both Public Enemy and Puccini?)…but I can’t stomach country music.

It’s the only music I don’t like.  I actually feel physically ill when I hear it.  So I’m not too pleased, and I’m tempted to ask the receptionist to either turn it off or get me a paper bag… But of course, I’m nice and just smile, keeping my frustrations to myself.

Thankfully, I get called in right away before I am tempted to take the receptionist’s clipboard and accidentally knock over the stereo…

Still thinking about all the garbage I’ve been dealing with this week and still hearing music in my head, the nurse asks to take my blood pressure.  I laugh and say, “don’t bother today, it’s high…trust me!”  And it was…I’m normally 90-something/50-something….I was almost 130 for the top number.

I then discuss some heart issues, and that I had multiple palpitations that morning (again, thanks to stress).  The NP wants to do an EKG and then mentions wearing a 24-hour heart monitor to see what’s going on.  I suggest we do that another day when I’m not so agitated.  She agrees…

As the next two days continue, things just seem to keep spiraling downward even more.  So I say to myself, “Kim, it’s all going to be OK….just imagine you are already in the city listening to some great music in a club…an awesome rock band with heavy drums and screaming guitar…you are far away from here and its going to be great”….6pm can’t come soon enough…

But my hopes of escaping are met with more bad news…I do a quick check on Facebook (where I haven’t spent much time lately) and one of my friends posts  that there is a Nor’Easter coming our way…possibly a foot of snow!

I can hear myself say “Damn you Mother Nature, You’re another kind of Mother today!!”.

Seriously?!?  My one chance to get out of this place!  I have been needing to get away to NY for at least a month, and just when I thought I was so close….Uugh.  What now?!?

I’m trapped in the hell hole, there’s no escaping…

But honestly, there never is…  For many times in my life when I just can’t take it anymore and plan a spontaneous trip out of town, I am always reminded of the same thing…you can’t run away.  Because the problems you have, live within you.  I could be here, or I could be there, but I am still going to feel awful.  The pit in my stomach will still be there.  The pain in my chest will still be there, and the feeling that I just can’t breathe in all the way, will still be there.  There’s a change of scenery, which is definitely helpful, but it won’t fix anything.

However, I know I can’t just sit with this uncomfortable feeling, so once again turning to music, this time I decide to play rather than listen.

I sit down at the piano and begin to work on a piece I am trying to master, “The Nearness of You”.  I just love this song.  It’s so pretty and peaceful…soothing….

Since college, I have learned a trick.  When life feels overwhelming and you’re stressed, you need something enjoyable to focus on, that requires your undivided attention.  It’s a form of meditation, I believe.  Meditation is really about bringing focus to the present moment.  When you pick an activity to focus on, that’s exactly what you are doing.  When I was a kid, solving math problems seemed to be what worked for me.  Now, its music.

Since I have been re-learning the piano, it takes me a while.  I often have to stop and try to figure out the notes, the right counting and rhythm, but I go slow and focus on one measure at a time.

Within just a few minutes I feel better.  I feel focused on something positive rather than letting my mind think about all the different struggles I’ve had lately.  Focusing is good.

So I decide that while I can’t change my scenery right now, I can create a peaceful environment anyway.  I have turned off my phone, I have set the vacation responder on my email.  I’m shutting down for a few days.  Going to do non-internet related work (right after publishing this post), take on a house project, and play more piano.  I am “All At Sea…” (see lyrics below)

I share this story because we all get stressed, depressed, angry, frustrated, and at times, we all need a break.  Take it.  Don’t be afraid to turn off the phone, turn off the computer, and find something pleasurable to do to just relax and re-charge.

For me, I need to shut down.  I need to turn everything off and just kick back and listen to or play music.  If something is stressing me, I set it aside and choose not to deal with it right now.  If someone is stressing me, I choose not to deal with them, either.  I need to do this.  We all need to do this from time to time

Take the breaks you need, set your boundaries, guilt-free, and knowing you deserve it.

My favorite Jaime Cullum song, “All At Sea”.  A perfect title and song for this post.  It’s from his first major album, “Twentysomething”.

All At Sea- Lyrics

Music & Lyrics by Jamie Cullum

I’m all at sea
Where no one can bother me
Forgot my roots
If only for a day

Just me and my thoughts
sailing far away

Like a warm drink it seeps into my soul
Please just leave me right here on my own
Later on you could spend some time with me
If you want to
All at sea

I’m all at sea
Where no one can bother me
I sleep by myself
I drink on my own
Don’t speak to nobody
I gave away my phone

Like a warm drink it seeps into my soul
Please just leave me right here on my own
Later on you could spend some time with me
If you want to
All at sea

Now I need you more than ever, I need you more than ever, now

You don’t need it every day
But sometimes don’t you just crave
To disappear within your mind
You never know what you might find
So come and spend some time with me
We will spend it all at sea

Like a warm drink it seeps into my soul
Please just leave me right here on my own
Later on you could spend some time with me
If you want to
All at sea

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/j/jamie_cullum/

Anyone who has been reading my blog for the past seven years knows that this is my platform for confessions… And if you’re a follower (which I am so grateful for those of you who are), you know that I bare myself in hopes that my readers will benefit from my admissions.  Whether that benefit is simply feeling a connection to a like-minded soul, or experiencing a true, physical benefit in your life from my advice on nutrition, exercise, and lifestyle habits, I’m here to help.

Throughout my adult life, exercise has always been a way for me to stay healthy, but also a way for me to stay small.  Like many others, I have looked at exercise as my tool for optimal calorie expenditure, first and foremost (and for some odd reason this obsession I have with keeping my blood pressure low; just the other day I was told it was 94/58…go Kim!).

In theory, I have always known I need to stretch, and balance, and strength train, but if I’m going to spend 30-60 minutes a day exercising, I’m going to get the most bang for my buck.

But as I get older (and hopefully wiser), I realize that the currency may not be what I thought it was.  And I’m starting to see that calorie burning should be not first, but last on my list of what is important.

I have spent most of my life running and doing aerobics.  You’d think I would be in great shape.  Cardiovascularly speaking, I am.  And I am small.  But the truth is, physically, I’m a mess.  Here I am a girl in my thirties, and I feel like I’m eighty years old some days (but if some nice, cute guy in his twenties asks, I’m only 28, OK?).

My back is always hurting and sore, I struggle to do a full squat correctly without pain, If I lift anything that weighs more than a one-year old I can’t move for a week, I can’t bend over without being mindful of my back going out on me, and when it comes to muscular endurance I tire easily.  I feel stiff all of the time, like my body is tightening on me as I age (well,… it is, as is yours).

As I have mentioned, I go to a personal trainer.  But I have made the commitment to myself that my goal is to fix my aching body that won’t move, and I’m not going to care about whether or not I sweat.  My workouts are focusing on all of the things I need to work on; balance, building strength, increasing flexibility, and improving muscular endurance.

The truth is, all of these things burn calories, too.  And some argue that increasing muscle mass is better for overall calorie burning than cardiovascular exercise.  But I’m not worried about any of it.  I need to feel like I’m twenty-something, not sixty-something.  That’s my focus.

Thanks to our society’s nauseating obsession with weight loss and having the perfect body (aesthetically speaking), no one is being told that you should be exercising for all the reasons I stated above…the reasons that you should be exercising.  When was the last time you saw an advertisement in a magazine or on TV for using something like the Bosu to improve your balance?  You never have.  All we hear is “lose weight, lose weight, lose weight!”  Personally, I’m tired of hearing that message.  It’s time to get healthy, instead.

Too many people start exercising and look to the scale to measure whether or not they are making progress.  Stop!  The progress will be found in how you feel.  Do you have more energy?  Is your flexibility or strength improving?  Can you do something you couldn’t do before?  These are the questions you need to ask yourself to measure progress.

And if you need to lose weight for your health, that will come in time. I’ve lost 3 pounds in the past two weeks since seeing my trainer again and reducing my dessert (OK…and wine) intake.  Just stay active and balance out your workouts.  Stop worrying about calories and worry about whole body exercise; cardiovascular, muscular, and flexibility as well as balance and relaxation.

“Some folks like to get away, take a holiday, from the neighborhood.  Hop a flight to Miami Beach or to Hollywood.  But I’m taking a Greyhound on the Hudson River line…I’m in a New York State of Mind.”- Billy Joel

The new Freedom Tower. I took this picture with my family, showing my niece and nephew NYC for the first time in their lives.

Yesterday, I was reading the cover article in Time Magazine about New Jersey Governor, Chris Christie.  I enjoyed reading about his love of New Jersey, where he was born and raised, seeing pictures of his family, and discovering he has been to over 130 Bruce Springsteen concerts.  As someone who grew up on Long Island, NY, just a stone throw away from the Shore, I can relate.

Courtesy of Time Magazine

Growing up the daughter of a piano teacher who loved both classical and modern music, the family room in my house had no furniture other than a piano, a record player, and shelves full of vinyl.  As a child, when I came home from school I did one of two things; I either went to a friend’s house, or I played records on the turntable and spent hours singing and dancing in the empty room.

My mother liked many types of music, but her three top favorites were Bruce “The Boss” Springsteen, Elton John, and “The Piano Man”, Billy Joel.  Bruce from Jersey, Joel from Hempstead, L.I.  No coincidence that two locals were among the favorites.

Billy Joel, Shea Stadium 2008 (editorial rights from BigStockPhoto.com)

I loved all three of them and we owned every album they made.  My favorite, though, was and still is, Billy Joel.  I can listen to his music and relate.  He’s a storyteller of life, love, and New York.  Although it has been many years since I’ve lived on Long Island, it is a big part of who I am and I have always said that no matter where I live, I was born a New Yorker, I’ll die a New Yorker.

Yesterday, I did an interesting guided imagery exercise with my coach.  I imagined myself leaving the earth, and coming back 20 years into the future to be greeted by my future self.  And guess where I landed?  New York City.

At first, I fought this in my mind.  While I will always love New York, a lot has changed in my life since I left.   Our experiences change us.  We don’t stay constant.

I have come to find peace and enjoyment living among the trees of New England.  I love that there are local farms with fresh food everywhere, winding roads without houses to drive down, and the look of fresh snow on acres of huge evergreens.  So as much as I love New York, and love to visit, I can’t see myself living among the noise, traffic and busy-ness.  Especially 20 years from now.  I picture myself more in Vermont.

My backyard after the last storm. I do love the beauty in New England.

When I shared this with my coach she then asked me, “well, maybe you don’t want to be in New York, itself, but maybe there is something about New York that you want?”

It was later on that day when I was reading the article on Governor Christie that the answer came to me.  In describing the governor, reference was made to his “Jersey attitude” and how he says exactly what he thinks, and people criticize him for that.  He’s not a polished politician.

That’s not just Jersey, that’s New York, too.  And the reality is that while I love the beauty and serenity of New England, I love the culture of New York*.  I have never been anywhere else in the world where people truly value being unfiltered.  What outsiders may see as rudeness or lack of manners (or maybe lack of class), we view as being welcoming, inviting, open, and real.

And this unfiltered way of being, allows us to be truly open, truly ourselves, to friends and strangers alike.  I remember living in Massachusetts for about 3 years and feeling as if I hadn’t made any close friends.  Then one day, I went to get my nails done, and the nail tech was from Long Island.  We talked for about two hours, telling each other our life stories, unfiltered.  And after I left I thought to myself, “wow, I think I feel closer to that girl I just met two hours ago than any of the friends I’ve made here in three years.”  That’s New York culture.  People make you feel like you’re home.

Recently, I had a similar experience happen.  I met a Jersey girl while at a conference in New York City.  We connected right away.  We *get* each other.  And like me, she moved to New England many years ago, but she misses her Jersey roots.  Once again, someone I met six months ago, but I feel like I’ve known her my whole life.  It’s that New York culture (which the Shore is truly a part of).  To steal the Olive Garden slogan, “when you’re here, you’re family”.  That’s New York.

I’ve also never been anywhere else in the world where no matter who you are, you fit in.  There’s a place for you.  In New York, there are all kinds of people from Socialists to Wall Street Moguls, Feminists and vegans, to women in fur and diamonds.  People wearing $1000 suits, and people with every limb pierced and their hair dyed purple.  And no one bats an eye lash.

They’ve seen it all. They don’t give a s*it.  They just say “How aw ya?”

This openness and non-judgmental way of living creates a community where we all feel close to one another, like we belong.  This is what I want 20 years in the future.  This is what I want now.

To me, community is everything.  The feeling that we belong to something bigger than ourselves.  It’s people who make the difference.  It’s people who make life worth living.  The connections we have with others bring joy, contentment and purpose to our lives.

And it isn’t only the connection to the people in our community, but the connection to the person that lives within.  And that person has experienced a journey, with each moment adding to who we are.  But no matter how beautiful the leaves of a tree are, (especially in New England Fall), every tree needs its roots for nourishment and support.  For the purpose of staying grounded.  So no matter how much we change, we also know the roots that make us who we are.

Stay connected.  To your roots, your friends, your community, and yourself.

* And an added note, while I do love my New Yorkers, over the years I have made many great friends in New England who I love dearly, too.  And I have found a community here, as well.  I consider myself a dual-citizen who loves both my original home, and my new home.  The people here value many things that I value, too.  Taking care of the environment, caring for the community, and promoting neighborly values.  So just as a disclaimer, this post is not about New York being the best, it’s about my connection to my roots.  

Camping In New Hampshire, 2012: Being In Nature Always Reminds Me To Stay Present. – photo by Kimberly Bither

I truly believe half of our success in life comes from giving ourselves credit when we do something right.  And the other half comes from being grateful, and not regretful, for the screw-ups we made that taught us a lesson.

I must confess, I’ve been feeling sluggish lately.  With the stressful last year I’ve had, I really struggled to keep up with my exercise routine.  I’ve had just enough energy to run my house, work on my business, socialize with friends…but tapped out when I started thinking “I really need to get back to the gym more consistently”.  I know, I know…I’ll get there tomorrow (next week, after I get through this project, when I’m not so stressed, when I feel better, etc…)

I have been to this place before, and I always get out of it sooner or later.  I have a sure-fire system that works every time, that always helps me find my way back.  And it starts with my pants…

I have a range, of 10 pounds, that is my healthy weight range.  It is the range the medical charts like, but also the range where all of my clothing still fits and I feel OK.  But if I go over that range, I start to not feel good.  My back begins to ache more, my clothes start to feel like I accidentally shrunk them in the dryer, and my pants start to feel a little bit too tight.  I start feeling more tired than usual, and I start sleeping more.  This is when I know it’s time to do something.

I don’t weigh myself.  I’m kind of “anti-scale”.  But eventually, when my pants talk to me, I like to check-in, just to see what I’m up against.  I started running again about 2 weeks ago and my back is yelling at me for it.  I really need to give up running, or else I won’t be able to get out of bed soon.  I say to myself, “I am too young to feel so old!”  After running, the following morning I am like a stiff old lady that can’t bend down.  I have to hold onto things just to pick something up off the ground.  The impact of the pavement and my lower back clearly want to get a divorce from each other.   And while I used to be OK with a treadmill, I just can’t bear it anymore.  I want to be outdoors.

I should buy stock in Icy Hot (nothing like covering your back with patches when your back goes out).

So back to my scale.  First, I’ll give myself credit; I got back to exercise (albeit only 2 days a week) before getting on the scale.  But last week I just wasn’t feeling right.  My pants were talking (actually, it was a dress I put on that looked great on me 2 months ago).  I got on the scale and I almost had a heart attack.  I was over my range and I realized I have gained nearly 10 pounds in about 2-3 months.  Whoa, Nelly… (and no, I’m not pregnant…)

Well, as much as I like my distant relationship with the scale, in this particular instance, it was just what I needed to kick me in the ass (along with the fact that I don’t want to spend money on a new wardrobe…I already did plenty of retail therapy this year…).

So I did what I was avoiding for so long….replying to my personal trainer’s email saying “When are you coming back, Kim?”.

I emailed Mark…

“Hi Mark, it’s Kim.  I really appreciate you checking in on me a few times over the past couple of months.  I’ve been in a funk, but I’m finally coming to surface.  Put me in the books.   Let’s shoot for 2-3 days a week.  I need boot camp… but gently,… don’t kill my back….Thanks, Kim.”

9:00 a.m. Wednesday morning:

Mark thankfully gave me the perfect workout today.  Lots of foam roller use for my back that is a disaster (I have an 80-year-old body trapped inside a 20-year-old spirit), balancing exercises that make me realize we all ignore aspects of fitness that we shouldn’t (have you ever tried holding one leg up for 45 seconds with your eyes closed?  It’s harder than you think…), and core strengthening exercises that clearly demonstrated I have abs of jello (not helping my back issues by any means).

As Mark and I were chatting, I confessed about how I’ve been slacking and why.   His response, “but you’re here, now…”  He was right.  The past didn’t matter.  I’m here now.  Thanks for the reminder, Mark.

10:00 a.m. Wednesday Morning

Then I move on to another thing I always avoid; the dentist.  You may laugh, but I think I am the only woman who has ever said to my dentist that I would rather be having a pap smear with an ice-cold speculum than be in his office (true story).  The scrapping, the drilling, the needles….oy!

So I get teased that I’m 6 months overdue for a cleaning (and told I have a bad cavity, which may or may not involve a root canal).  But after the look of “shame, shame you are late for your cleaning”, he says, “but you’re here now”.  And the hygienist tells me to give myself some credit.  I came in to do something I needed to do, but didn’t want to do.

I can’t believe that twice in one morning I had two different people say to me, “but you’re here, now…”.

The point is, the past doesn’t matter.  We can learn from it, but it’s no longer reality.  It’s gone.

What matters is right now.  Today.  Where are you, today?  What are you thinking about?  What matters to you?  What can you do, today, to make your life better tomorrow?

For me, I’m going to focus on losing a few pounds the right way, for the simple reason that I want to feel better in the only body I’ll ever have.

(Because I really could care less about looking like a Victoria’s Secret model)…

And because I’m young now, but I won’t always be.  And if I don’t take care of myself while I’m young, I’ll regret it when I’m old.  (And so will you, so take care of yourself!)

Here’s what works for me:

* Grabbing fruit or veggies at snack time instead of cheese and crackers at every meal (really good cheese…, oh how I do love you).

* Having one chocolate a day, instead of three or four. 

A Chocolate Facial….What Every Woman Wants!

* Exercise training a few days per week

Me in my staple color, hot pink (OK the girl on the left, since the girl on the right is also in some shade of pink…): Taking a Tabata Training Class at Fitness Magazine’s Meet and Tweet, May 2012.

* And something new I’ve started (despite the horrible temps outside), leaving my desk and going for a walk (or occasional run) twice a day. 

I love walking in the woods.

Seize your day…You’re Here Now!

The Way Life Should Be!

We have iPads, the Internet, and technology to call someone without even using our hands to dial the number.  We have machines that vacuum floors for us, cars that start on their own, and meals that cook in less than 2 minutes.  Sinks that turn on automatically, and cars that park themselves.  But for all that we have, we have also lost out on some of the meaning in life. Quite frankly, I think we are losing our way.

Many of us spend our lives rushing around doing things that don’t bring us fulfillment.  So what do we do?  We add more things to the list thinking if we’re not happy, we must need to be doing more to get happy.  But what if this is just making things worse?

There is beauty in the simple.  Beauty in the detail that we miss everyday because we are moving too fast to see it.

When I was growing up, my parents didn’t cook.  My father stayed home, so he made the meals (all three of the same dinners that I ate over, over, and over again…), and my mother hates cooking.  However, I love it.  And I love making things myself, from scratch.  One day, my mother was watching me make dough and she gave me a funny look and asked, “so, Kim, you really like doing all that work?  Can’t you just get that in a box?”

I responded by telling her, I enjoy making things myself.  I am taking ingredients provided by nature and using my hands to make something with them.  When I do this, I feel connected to my roots.  I feel like I am one with nature, rather than fighting against nature.  And I feel a sense of pride when I can make something myself.  It’s my contribution, even if the only ones who benefit are my children or my friends.

As I get older, and search for more meaning in my own life, I want to share what I learn with all of you.  Because I think you will benefit, too.

My hope is to discover many natural and simple things that are new to me, and in the process, make my life (and yours) fuller, by removing so much of the *stuff*.

Follow my blog and learn about cooking, growing food, and being more self-sufficient.  Not because you have to become more self-sufficient, but because there is beauty, meaning, and purpose in it.

Spicy Chicken, Chorizo, and Sweet Peppers mixed with Black and Jasmine Rice.

Enjoy this meal with a starter of soup or a vinaigrette-salad.  Add a glass of white wine to compliment the dish. My glass is from Black Birch Vineyard, a vineyard in Western Massachusetts.  I made a sad attempt at using a yellow pepper for garnish….a work in progress… But I did enjoy this dinner with some dim lights and Diana Krall to make up for my lack of plating ability.

One final note…if you’ve never had black rice it is hearty and full of flavor, and like jasmine, is a Thai rice.  It also goes very well with shrimp.  I get mine at Whole Foods Market.

Bob’s Red Mill Quick Cooking Oats (Gluten-Free), with Sunsweet Dried Plums, Brown Sugar, & Milk

Many people assume oatmeal is gluten-free.  In its natural state, it is.  But most oatmeal you buy may have traces of wheat due to manufacturing process, and if you’re very sensitive, you probably want to stick with gluten-free oats.

I’m not very sensitive, but I still bought a gluten-free brand, Bob’s Red Mill.  I use the Quick Cooking Oats.  I am a big fan of their products, as they seem to taste the best of any gluten-free brand I have tried, thus far, and they offer an extensive product line while being reasonably priced (comparatively speaking).  I also have no trouble finding their brand anywhere, from local farm stores to larger markets.

Today I made a simple oatmeal on the stove.  In my opinion, stovetop cooking tastes much better than anything cooked in the microwave.  If you don’t believe me, do me a favor.  Cook one bowl of oatmeal in the microwave and the other on the stove and compare the taste.  (I’ll pretend you just took 5 minutes to do it).  Now tell me you don’t notice a big difference.

Another great taste test is to compare the difference between vegetables steamed on the stove and vegetables steamed in the microwave.  I know, I know, some companies sell those micro-cookers (I have some).  They still don’t come close to making steamed vegetables taste as good as when cooked on the stove top.   And stove top cooking is almost as quick (we may be adding 2 extra minutes,… big deal).

I cook my oatmeal in a metal pot that was advertised as a rice cooking pot (not to be confused with a rice cooker).  It is a basic metal and is rougher than stainless steel.  It’s kind of old-fashioned, I think, and I really like it.

My “mystery” metal rice cooking pot.

I follow the directions for cooking the oats:

1.  Bring 2 cups of water to a boil (add 1/4 tsp salt, if desired…which I do).

2.  Add 1 cup of oats

3.  Stir occasionally for about 3-5 minutes.  Remove from heat and let sit a minute or two.

4.  Add your toppings!

I added the following:

+ 1 tsp of brown sugar

+ 1/4 cup of diced, dried plums called “Plum Amazins” (Sunsweet brand).  They are delicious!

+  A splash or two of Whole Milk*

Some interesting tidbits about dried plums:

• They have half the sugar of raisins (compare 29 grams to 13 grams per 1/4 cup serving.  I can have both dried plums and that teaspoon of brown sugar  for the same “price” as just eating raisins.)

• Dried plums have more vitamin A and C (though less iron).

• Personally, I like the taste better.  Sweet, but not too sweet.

* I use whole milk in cooking, and save the low-fat for drinking.  My reason is that whole milk adds a creamy taste to cooking, but the calorie and fat difference is really minimal when using in recipes.  

Enjoy!